Sam Carter: The Event Horizon of Reason
by Sarah74656
Summary: Sequel to Sam Carter's Diary. Last year, Sam read a book called 'Bridget Jones' Diary' and decided to emulate Bridget by keeping a diary of her own. She had a very memorable year. Now that year is over, but another is about to begin...
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: It's been a while since I added anything to my Sam Carter's Diary. I've been planning this sequel for about two years but could never think of any sensible way to write it. If I'm being honest, I still can't, but I figured that if I made a start on it, then maybe something would jump into my head. So please, R&R however far I've got and feel free to suggest some small obsessions that Sam might have. If I use your ideas I'll be sure to give you some credit!_

_By the way, if you're reading this you'll have to have read Sam Carter's Diary first, else this will make no sense to you whatsoever..._

* * *

**_January 1st_**

_New Years Resolutions:_

_Marry wonderful boyfriend  
Get Daniel and Janet to marry. Each other, not somone else, obviously  
Get promoted_

11.00am - Ugh. Feel like carp. Actually meant that. Not crap; carp. Feel like a carp that has been left next to a heater for three days and is starting to go all warm and gone-off smelling. Head spinning, must get back to bed.

1.02pm - How can it be afternoon already? Am far too tired and ill still for it to reasonably be past midday. Will get Advil and crawl back to bed.  
1.06pm - Only made it to sofa. Cannot possibly crawl any further.

3.45pm - Woken by doorbell. Whoever it is cannot be forgiven for interrupting sleep.  
3.47pm - Is Jack, love of life and fiance! Will forgive, but only because is Jack. Still cannot believe that such wonderful CO and man asked self to marry him. Me, Sam Carter, finally going to walk down the aisle... is too lovely for words.

3.50pm - Jack understands own headache, and is v. sympathetic. Mmm, love Jack.

6.20pm - Fell asleep on Jack. Have just woken up. Think that Jack was v. understanding about letting me fall asleep on him, as he now cannot feel his legs.

"You feeling better now, Carter?"  
"Mmm, yes thank you."  
"Good, good. Fancy something to eat?" Really shouldn't be, but am actually completely ravenous.  
"Mmm, yes please!"  
"I'll go get some Chinese. Be back soon."

Love Jack, for fetching food. Now will go get drinks. Wine? Beer? Hmm, think is best to steer clear of alcohol for forseeable future. Will get juice instead.

6.30pm - Have just thought - if Jack is still CO, how will we accomplish all-hallowed feat of matromony? Is v. puzzling. Cannot believe that had not thought of this before. Actually, can believe, as was probably too drunk/hungover before now to realise. Must confront Jack upon his return.

6.40pm - Jack and food! Am in heaven.

8.02pm - Jack, mmm... am in heaven...

11.23pm - Jack gone home now, has to feed his dog. Sigh. Ah well, will see him again tomorrow.

11.25pm - Damn! Forgot to confront Jack about matrimonial issues. Must do it tomorrow.

**_January 2nd_**

_Awkward conversations with Jack: 1  
Marriages in the foreseeable future: 0  
Times almost phoned Janet to complain but thought better of it: 53_

Cannot believe what horrid state find self in. Spoke to Jack. Was v. awkward. Found out that proposal was not for any definite time in future, but just for if opportunity ever arose. Am v. sad. Am v. disappointed. Am going to cry.

No, no, will not cry. Am still engaged to love-of-life Jack, even cannot marry him immediately because of direct-chain-of-command thing.

Things look v. bleak.

Would have rung Janet for girly-upbeat men-are-losers-anyway type conversation, but could not bring self to trouble friend with such problems. After all, Janet probably has mopey Daniel on her hands, as poor Spacemonkey was denied trip to Atlantis for third time this morning. Woe is everyone. World is falling apart.

Must try to stay upbeat about it all. Failing. Badly.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: I've decided that this is going to be a very slightly alternate universe to ours. Not that it isn't already. But this is mostly just because I don't want Janet to be dead. And it's my story, so now she isn't. Yay. Is this a good point to mention that I don't own anything, not even the computer I'm typing this on?

* * *

_

_**January 5th**_

_Wedding dilemmas solved: 0  
Chocolate bars eaten today: 3  
Distance from Jack: about 6500 light years_

Have been forgetting to write again. Is v. bad. Still, am blaming terrible heart-wrenching situation that find self in. Am not getting any further. Seems that have come to impasse with Jack, where we can talk about anything but 'the issue'. Is v. sad.

On slightly more up-beat note, have finished depressing Christmas/New Years holidays and am now back on active duty. Am currently on P7H 93D (possibly, could actually be 93B, or maybe even 98D, wasn't really paying much attention in briefing). As result of karma-in-action, Jack has v. bad stomach ache and is stuck back on Earth. Cannot decide if am happy or sad about it. Sigh.

**_January 6th_**

_Chocolate bars eaten: 5 (will run out soon, v. bad)  
Distance from Jack: still about 6500 light years  
Interesting things on P7H-thingy: 1 (my chocolate bars, and they will be gone soon)_

Still have not returned to Earth. Daniel has found v. interesting (to him) ruins which he insists are v. important, and will probably save Earth at some time in future. Great. Am so over the whole 'saving-the-world' thing. Would rather be married to Jack and safe at home instead.

On second thoughts, is not such bad thing. Cannot really complain about being hero and all that. Will make good stories to tell grandchildren. If ever marry Jack so that can have some. Hmph.

**_January 7th_**

_World changing revelations: 1  
Chocolate bars eaten: lets not even go there_

Got back from P7H-whatchamacallit this morning only to have whole world thrown upside down before breakfast. Have just found out that General Hammond has retired, and that promotion is being given to Jack! Am v. happy, obviously, only now problem of relationship is even bigger than before. Gah, why is life never simple?

Have finally spoken to Janet, as could bear it no longer on my own. Friend was v. nice and helpful, providing excellent shoulder to cry on. Also suggested shocking idea that am relying on chocolate bars to calm nerves. Pah. Well, possibly she has a point, but at least chocolate is not life threatening or addictive. Much.

**_January 8th_**

_Chocolate bars eaten: 3 (could be much worse)  
New surprises:2 (v. good)_

Have just been informed by Jack in not-so-awkward conversation (which was v. nice for a change) that will be taking on command of SG-1, at least for time being. Yay! Is v. good.He also hinted at idea of own promotion to Lieutenant Colonel to match his promotion to Brigadier General. Like that idea v. much, as will complete one of own resolutions, even before end of January! Is v. good. Love life.

Will be strange going off-world without Jack, but at least can stop worrying about him all the time. Worrying about Daniel alone should be a full time job, and one cannot afford to not worry about him, else he walks into an innocent set of ruins that turns out to be a complicated alien trap to recruit new subjects for their gruesome alien gladitorial games. Or some other such danger.

* * *

_AN2: Sorry that this wasn't v. long. I put it to you in a mathematical way that Sam would approve of:  
lots of reviews-> happy author-> longer chapters in future  
Have a nice day!  
__:D_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reviewing! It's given me the push I needed to start writing in earnest again I think. So, to keep me writing, you know what to do... ;) _

**

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**

_**January 11th**_

_Times kissed Jack today: 3 (not good enough)  
Chocolate bars eaten: 12 (terrible)  
Distressed Daniels to deal with: 1_

Life is v. strange at moment. Feel bad that have not written in diary for week or so, but has been v. stressful in world of Samantha Carter, PhD, world-saving soon-to-be-lieutenant-colonel extraordinaire.

Am finding that Jack's promotion is making relationship hard. He is always tired and/or stressed when coming back from office. Drowning under paperwork is not suiting him; have caught him three times in last two days looking wistfully at Stargate through his newly-appointed office window. Hope that love-of-life will adjust quickly, as cannot bear to be holding weight of world upon own shoulders too much longer. Have own problems to deal with, such as not being able to marry Jack.

Also, as am v. good, supportive friend-type-person, have had to comfort poor distressed Daniel. Seems that archaeologist friend has been having v. strange and depressing dreams about alternate realities where Janet and/or him were deceased. Have told him not to be sad, as obviously there will be realities like that somewhere, but as long as they are not here then he should try not to worry. He cannot make all other realities perfect, though bless him, know that he would want to.

Sadly, such conversations remind self of alternate realities where am married to Jack. Am v. jealous of other alternate Sam Carters. Grr.

On positive side of life-balance, is promotion ceremony in only three days! Am v. excited. Dad is coming back from secret Tok'ra mission especially for special ocassion. Will be lovely. Am looking forward to it v. much.

**_January 12th_**

_Secret surprises planned for Jack: 1  
Chocolate bars eaten: 2 (is good day)_

Felt v. bad for poor Jack today, as he had to deal with stress of SG-6 reporting in three hours late because of run-in with unfriendly locals on P8H-9JK. Also felt that it was own responsibility as lover, friend and fiance (even if it is in the indeterminate future) of poor man to cheer him up. Am planning to buy him present to raise his spirits. Cannot decide what though. Hmm.

Eureaka-type-success! Have perfect idea. Will buy him new fishing rod, so that when he gets some leave he can go not-fishing up at his cabin with it. Will even offer to go with him, even though idea of sitting and looking at lake with no pesky fish in it is not really own idea of perfect weekend.

Have only eaten two chocolate bars today. Is probably because feeling of 'doing good' is comfort enough in itself.

**_January 13th_**

_Promotion ceremonies tomorrow: 1 (cannot wait)  
Secret surprise presents given to Jack: 1  
Love-of-life happiness level (out of ten): 10 (hurrah for me!)_

Went out and bought new fishing rod for Jack this morning, after he had left for work. Did not really know what was a good fishing rod and what wasn't, so just bought most expensive one in shop. Have discovered that the best thing about being a work-a-holic is thatone accumulates much in the way of wages which one never really gets a chance to spend. So can afford whatever presents for love of life that catch eye. Within reason. Do not think that could afford entire Stargate, but could probably afford small one-time-only use Stargate to keep in basement. If knew how to build one. Where's a rogue Ancient when you need one?

Anyway, once had bought present, then needed to wrap it. Found that long pole-shaped objects are actually harder to wrap than one might think. Used up entire roll of wrapping paper, but finally got there. Could not think of way of effectively disguising what gift was (other than appalling attempt at wrapping) but thankfully did not matter much.

Gave present to Jack upon his return home. Jack was v. v. pleased with present and even more pleased at own pledge to go not-fishing with him upon his next allocation of leave. Have succeeded incheering him up.Hurrah! Am v. glad, because Jack is much more, ahem, romantic, when in good mood.

Mmm, love Jack in good mood...

**_January 14th_**

_Promotion ceremonies today: 1 (hurrah!)  
New Years Resolutions acheived: 1 (double hurrah!)_

8.02am - Am v. excited! Is my promotion today!  
8.30am - Cannot even eat breakfast properly, because am nervous and excited all at same time!

9.56am - Promotion is not until afternoon, but Dad is arriving any time now to spend some quality time with his one-and-only world-saving daughter (his words) before the ceremony. Am v. happy.

10.02am - Yay! Dad has arrived. Big hugs. Shall take him for breakfast, as feel in slightly better mood for food now.

2.03pm - Has been lovely morning. Ceremony is in just under an hour. Am shaking v. much.

4.59pm - Was lovely ceremony. Everyone was there, all looking v. proud. Jack said some v. lovely things, and there was lots of smiling. Am now going for meal out celebrating with my six favourite people in whole world; Jack, Dad, Daniel, Janet, Teal'c and Cassie. Hurrah!

8.43pm - Dad has to go back to interstellar space now... is v. sad, but he must, as has important secret mission to go back to. Cassie is also going now, because she is going to see her boyfriend. Is sad, but is also good, because now means that can get drunk. Ahem, mean 'enjoy a couple of beverages'. Will not get drunk, as is not in manner of professional lieutentant colonels to do such things.

11.34pm - Lotsha fun. Have lotsha wine and vodka and shomething probably non-alcohololic. Hehe. Alcohololololic. Hehe. Me lovesh it anywaysh.Ooh, takesh my Jack upstairsh with me... oopshy... tumbled over.


	4. Chapter 4

**_January 15th_**

_Hangovers: 1  
Size of headache: unbelievable  
Wonderfulness of Jack: too big to count_

Ugh. Feel awful. Took until late in afternoon until could finally drag self out of bed. Luckily, wonderful Jack and love-of-life was here to take care of me, bringing me painkillers (very necessary, even for new Lieutenant Colonels) and soothing beverages. Apparently, Jack was also responsible for carrying me upstairs to bed when passed out in hallway when got home last night. Wonderfulness of Jack is also compounded by choosing a Friday for date of promotion ceremony. Almost as if he knew that would get, ahem, slightly tipsy afterwards.

Eugh, cannot write more now. Must sleep some more.

**_January 22nd_**

_Intact thumbs: 1 (ouch)  
Lost shoes: 1  
Misplaced mission reports: 1_

Am having rubbish day of appallingly bad luck. Started this morning, when was cutting bread for toast for breakfast. Managed to not quite be paying attention, and jumped when doorbell rang, causing v. sharp bread knife to move at speed into left thumb. Ouch. Is v. annoying (and painful), especially so because had decided to sharpen aforementioned knife last night. Oh, the irony.

Finally found first aid kit at back of cupboard after bleeding for ten minutes all over previously clean kitchen floor. Who would have guessed that thumbs have so much blood in them? Managed to bandage thumb (just about) with other hand, then tried to clean up kitchen floor as best as could manage. Then realised that was now going to be late for work.

Couldn't find left shoe, so in the end had to opt for pair of sandals instead. Is annoying, because shoes with no toe in are v. impractical for work in the airforce, let alone going off world to other planets, but could not find any other intact pairs of shoes/boots other than high heels, which would have been even worse.

Finally got to work half hour late, and in only piece of good luck today was not seen by anyone turning up in such a tardy fashion. Hurrah.

Could not find mission report for planet that was supposed to be giving briefing on at midday, so had to make up some reasons (partly from memory and partly from imagination) as to why SG-1 were being sent to follow-up on visit to planet by SG-5. Was not entirely successful, as could not actually remember name of the planet, but think that mostly got away with it; either that or good friends Daniel and Teal'c thought it best not to upset self any further when was clear that was having bad day.

Also managed to stub toe on door when leaving briefing room. Hate open-toed shoes with a passion.

Eventually got to see Janet after briefing. Friend was appalled, both at state of finger and at own attempt at first aid. Pah. Am v. good first aider. Just is difficult to do with one hand when am in excruciating pain.

Janet persuaded Jack that SG-1 could not go off world until own hand had healed. Feel slightly put out, but am also glad that she made it sound v. bad, because now can get Jack to wait on self 'hand and foot' as it were, until am completely healed. Also, might have found other boot by then.

_**January 24th**_

_Lost boots recovered: 0 (bad)  
Thumbs healed: nearly 1  
Mission reports for mystery planet located: 0 (damn)_

Still have not found missing boot. Is rubbish. Will send Jack looking for it later.

Thumb is nearly recovered, meaning that off-world excursion has been rescheduled for January 26th. Cannot wait to get off world and baby-sit Daniel whilst he negotiates with the locals. Really.

Do need to find mission report before the 26th, because is more-than-slightly important that know where am going and why am there before leaving Earth. Hmph, will have to look later whilst Jack is looking for boot.

**_January 25th_**

_Boots found: 1 (love Jack)  
Mission reports found: 1 (hurrah)  
Cures for world hunger found: 0 (well you can't have everything)  
_

Success! Am having wonderful day of finding things.

Finally got around to asking Jack to look for missing boot this morning. Love Jack, for finding it. Am v. curious as to how it got onto top of wardrobe when had found other boot by mirror on other side of room. Never mind, at least renegade boot has now been found, and can safely traverse to other planets with fear or stubbed toes or sexist remarks instigated by wearing sandals with open toes.

On subject of going off-world, have also found mission report. Had slipped behind desk, which is why had not found it previously in huge rush to get to work (and pain of thumb). Now know that planet is called 'Thacura' and SG-1 is going there so that Daniel can try and get them to part with some naquadah, which they seem to think is fairly useless because they don't know how to turn it into anything useful. Biggest challenge will be not getting overly excited at what SG-5 described as 'considerable' quantities of naquadah just lieing around on rubbish heaps.

Rang Daniel and Teal'c to fill them in on details of the mission, but found that they already knew, but didn't think to call and tell me. Hmph.

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_Author's Note: Hope you're enjoying it. Sam is going off-world in the next chapter. If you want to know what happens, you know what to do; read and review!_


	5. Chapter 5

**_January 26th_**

_New candidates for 'most boring alien ever' award discovered: 2  
Minutes spent missing Jack: At least 300  
Number of times wished was still at home looking for lost boot: 569 (at last count)_

Cannot believe how boring this planet is. Whole planet is full of aliens more boring than any lawyer. More boring, even, than Rodney Don't-Put-Me-Near-A-Lemon-Or-I'll-Die McKay. Which is saying something.

Also think that have managed to find the most boring aliens on the planet full of boring aliens. Ahem, Thacura. Having found mission report, feel that should at least try and show off some of the knowledge gained by reading it.

Daniel is talking to the... Thacurans, one supposes, they should be called. Teal'c is being stoic. Teal'c is always stoic. Am constantly shocked and amazed by Teal'c capacity for... stoicism. Haha. Invented a new word! Huzzah. Perhaps.

4.20pm - Cannot believe that am still here. Still. Daniel still talking. Teal'c still being stoic. Am still very, very bored. Beyond belief. Ah well, negotiations are supposed to end at five. Ish.

4.46pm - So near. Fourteen minutes. And counting.

4.54pm - Why does time run so much slower when am faced with Thacurans from planet dull?  
4.55pm - Come on. Please. Five minutes.  
4.56pm - Four minutes! Yes.

4.58pm - So close. Can almost taste the gate travel home.  
4.59pm - No! Cannot believe it. Daniel has decided that negotiations cannot be finished in one day. Has suggested... horror of horrors... that we stay. Overnight.

Shudder.

6.47pm - Evening meal with Thacurans is even more boring than negotiations with Thacurans. Which is saying something. Cannot think of any more boring meal that have ever spent. Not even with ex-boyfriends.

Though, there was one time, at college-

No. Not even that. At least boring-ex-boyfriend could talk about something other than weather.

Seriously. Thacurans are obsessed with weather. Most boring Thacuran even interrupted another Thacuran who was talking about the weather, to comment on the temperature. Seriously. Cannot believe how boring Thacurans are.

7.57pm - Caught particularly bald and boring Thacuran looking at diary. Luckily, Thacuran's don't read English. No written language, according to Daniel. Luckily. Should really learn to keep diary safer. From now on, will keep diary on person at all times.

11.25pm - Have finally escaped from tales of weather-in-years-gone-by and got to bed. At least have fairly soft bed. Nice, for a change. Most planets have hard beds. Wooden, in some cases. With itchy, scratchy sheets.

Should be easy to sleep after fun day of boring alien weather-talk.

**_January 27th_**

4.12am - Do not understand what is going on. Woke up, no longer in bed. Am on much harder surface. Am not in bedroom. Am in small room. Dark. Can barely see diary to write.

WHERE AM I?!?

5.56am - Was just visited. Was horrid. Cannot believe it. Went like this.

"Colonel Carter." Horrid Thacuran-dull voice from other side of door.

"Yes?"

"Good. You are well." Hah. Sarcastic dull alien.

"No, I am not well! What on Earth is going on? What am I doing in here?" Was very unimpressed by said point.

"We are taking care of you. Until your Daniel Jackson agrees to our terms. We can demand whatever we want now. Your Daniel Jackson cannot refuse us now." Blackmail. Peachy. Just... peachy.

"You won't get away with this. My people. They'll come and get me!"

"They'll have to find you first. Good day, Colonel Carter."

"Wait! Come back here!" No answer. "Come back here now! I demand to speak to..." Damn. Cannot remember any names of any Thacurans who had dealt with yesterday. Damn them, and their stupid boring...boringness.

So, am now sitting in metal box room, with no forseeable way out. Ever.

Hate life.


End file.
